24:

I feel like I'm on the cusp of something at the moment. Like I'm waiting for something to happen. The nebulous forms of life goals collect and disperse inside my head constantly, their colours and shapes taking different forms as they drift and merge, getting louder and brighter at night when I'm trying to sleep.We have plans for our life, Tom and I, and they're creeping up on us. Soon we'll have to make decisions and take leaps. Maybe we'll have to ask people for help -- the scariest thing of all. But everything is always about work. Career. Direction. Meaning. This is what happens, I guess, when two Capricorns get married.I am going on holiday tomorrow with an old friend, a long weekend away, to somewhere hilly and rainy and ancient, with no internet, a log fire and an orchard full of tiny sheep, windfallen pears and peach trees. I've been hanging a lot on the thought of this holiday and how separate from real life it will be. On the first night I want a blank, starless sleep. After that I want to go full Crow Crag -- rant in local tearooms, shout into the indifferent overcast valleys, drink from the bottle, detach. I can't wait.Other stuff

• In this week's Red Hand File newsletter, Nick Cave said: "...I sometimes wonder if anyone actually listens to my lyrics, and whether the enormous amount of work I put into them may in fact go unheeded." Highly relatable because of the gloomy, "does anyone care" part, of course, but I laughed because it tiptoed between being honest and being vain.

• Nicci Peet has had her excellent Diversity In Beer project featured in Vice. Having her work seen outside of the Bubble is a huge, huge deal.

• I really liked this by Matt Curtis on how sour beer "recovered from the brink of extinction", especially looking at how these trad Belgian beers have inspired some of the most exciting brewers in the UK.

• I love Slow TV (oh my god, shocker) and I remembered the extremely interesting but supremely soothing Retreat: Meditations From A Monastery this week. No dialogue, just shuffling, beekeeping, weaving, chanting and the occasional shake of a thurible. Here's the Pluscarden Monastery in the Moray highlands.

• Radio is important for independent scenes to thrive. That's something I really believe in. This piece from The Guardian back in July looks at indie stations in the north and how they survive without the same level of funding or sponsorship of London-based stations.

• You've probably seen it but this interview with Amy Sedaris about her essential things from the NYT is hilarious.

• Lost Industry Brewing aren't a brewery I'm super familiar with, but after this interview, I want to be.

• More monk stuff -- must be the time of year for it. This, by M. Carrie Allan on Chartreuse looks at the secrets behind its recipe, and how the Carthusian monks who make it square its popularity with cocktail making hipsters with their faith and devotion.

• This by Boak & Bailey about the Dog and Bell in Deptford is wonderful. I want to go there.

• When I read Cork Dork by Bianca Bosker, she says repeatedly how important it is to smell everything in order to truly understand your senses and the world around you. Maybe that's why I absolutely loved this olfactory map of Brussels by Brussels Beer City aka. Eoghan Walsh.

• Francis Bacon on the differences of earths.

My stuff

• I've been busy working on a few chunky pieces I'm really excited about this week, but nothing published yet.

• I've also been suffering really severely with anxiety this week, so I wanted to say to anyone else who suffers, take care of yourself. Know when to stop. Rest.

• I read (and hugely enjoyed) Normal People by Sally Rooney and My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Otessa Moshfegh this week which may have something to do with my somewhat altered mental state.

Lighters in Dum Dum lollipop wrappers - Amy Sedaris