Tasting, Feeling

Sometime last month I ran my first natural wine tasting. It was a dream come true in many ways; my bar was open, every chair was filled, I was pouring wine I loved for people and talking about it. Tickets sold out in four days. It was, in every technical way you could think of, from feedback to revenue, a success. I could tick it off my list of career achievement goals, something I'd wanted to do since I spoke to a sommelier on harvest in 2018 and felt totally adrift on the things they knew, the intricate stories they could tell. The event ended and we closed up the shop. We got a few nice messages on social media about it.I got home and ran a bath and cried for a long time. Days.What was it about this event that triggered something so wild and unexpectedly sad? I don't know. I started journalling again to try and figure it out. I spent a long time on the phone to a friend (and angel) trying to sift out the genuine trauma from the depressive overreaction. They told me that sharing something so personal and deep to strangers was hard, and that perhaps by doing so in a commercial, unemotional setting, I felt removed from the very thing that made wine so special and meaningful to me, and removed me also from the people I wanted to bring into that connection. Additionally, perhaps doing it all in my bar, a place I love that I built with my own hands, added extra pressure to feel something. When actually, all it was was a simple tasting event. Nothing more. It's only wine.I'm not good at public speaking. I read somewhere that everyone hates it, that you have to keep doing it in order to numb the fear and quell the shakes. But what if I don't have the energy to keep forcing myself to do something I hate until I only dislike it? More than that -- what if I don't want to? What comes next once you've found out something you always assumed was your next step up was actually a hidden drop?As Hervé Lethielleux at L'Etiquette said to me the other week: "It's never too late to wake up". He was on about coming around to natural wine, but it's pretty relevant in other contexts too.Other Stuff

• ATJ takes us to Utopian Brewing for beautiful landscapes and delicious British lager. Photography by Nicci Peet.

• Support this Kickstarter - Drumz Of The South: 2004-2007. Georgina Cook documented the rise of dubstep in South London and is creating a photobook from her atmospheric photos. (The track in the video is Blackdown - Lata)

• While we're on about Lata, there's a VIP of it on this, one of my fave albums ever: Dusk + Blackdown - Margins Music

• Meijun Li's visual design has made some of NYC's food brands unforgettable.

• Farm workers are under increasing pressure to work in dangerous conditions without proper shade, shelter or water breaks, and the result is death. This includes hop and grape harvests. We need to care more about where our food and drink comes from, and campaign for better.

• The Gallows Pole by Ben Myers is being adapted for TV and I cannot, CANNOT, wait. The book is one of the most richly-written, disgusting things I've ever read. Here's a pic shared of Barb's Pub in Heptonstall.

• Tannins. We know what they are, don't we? Well, at the wine tasting I described above someone asked me "Yeah, but what actually are they? What bits of the grape skins are tannins?" and I was stumped. This article by Anne Krebiehl MW on the subject is brilliant - technical but accessible. 

• "It's fundamentally feminist for a gal to get a happy ending" says Lighthouse Books, and I'm not gonna argue. They've got a special collection of romance novels without the garbage tropes this month, and I can't wait to get started on it.

• A seriously motivating piece by Ginger Rose Clark about Vins & Volailles, a Paris-based natural wine shop owned by two amazing feminists. Any wine collection called "cuvée militantes" is alright by me.

My Stuff

• The wine thing I said I was working on last week is actually this: I'm able to announce that I am Commissioning Editor of Glug magazine, a brand new wine mag based in the UK. It's part of a wine subscription box run by Wine52 (a part of Beer52) and I'm thrilled to be able to offer writers of all experience a chance to write about wine for a print publication. I'm especially keen to hear from folks normally left out of wine conversations. If you've got a cool idea for an article, get in touch: [email protected]

• Matthew Curtis is coming to Corto (my bar in Clitheroe) to host an event celebrating the release of his new book Modern British Beer. Come, drink, read, enjoy.

• I've been doing quite a bit of work for CAMRA's Learn & Discover minisite and here's my latest: Pub Of The Future Pt. 2

Exeter - Nicci Peet for GBH