Unpopular Opinion: Pubs aren't just for adults

It’s not a new debate—God knows it’s been the favourite boring rant of grumpy pub-goers for as long as I’ve been drinking. Children shouldn’t be allowed in bars. People have opinions on this. Very big feelings about it. It results in some acutely unhinged discourse that only social media could germinate, as seen here in this incredible exchange.

Yes, it seems that people who don’t mind children in pubs and bars are obviously paedophiles. I honestly feel like X can’t shock me anymore, and then someone else with a sock account goes ahead and flummoxes me beyond prior flummoxation.

The thing is, I don’t have a problem with children in pubs, and I’ve never understood the common misanthropic personality trait of pretending to hate kids (to the extremes of calling them “crotch goblins” in some cases, a truly curséd term used only by total fucking idiots.) When you think of a child-hater, who do you think of? An older gent, trying miserably to enjoy a beer while an admittedly annoying little brat runs circles around his table? Fair enough. But in my experience, the people who claim to hate children, and make a big deal out of this fact about themselves, are younger. They are around 20-35 years old, and they invariably claim to like dogs better. Of course, personal choice is absolutely valid. It shows that they prefer unconditional love. Who doesn’t? What I find distasteful is the absolute disdain for children and their existence anywhere near their personal space. It’s brutally Victorian. It’s outmoded. It’s—I’m going to say it—it’s selfish.

Selfish in the true sense of the word, of only thinking of one’s self. The problem is, pubs are not made just for one individual’s comfort. They are places of socialisation and congregation, where groups of people of different ages, cultures, classes and education bump shoulders, relax, and enjoy themselves. Many adults of drinking age have children. Are we saying they should never visit the pub in case their child, who is still learning how to act within the convoluted and mostly-unspoken sphere of English societal rules and norms, makes a noise?

But some children are badly behaved!

Yes! They can be little shits! Guess what? So can adults, especially drunk adults. Both can be asked to be quiet, and to leave. If a bar or pub is not dealing with a badly behaved child “running around” (as is normally suggested by child-haters) then that is a safety issue, and the child’s adults should be asked to take responsibility. If that is not happening, if you have raised your concerns and nothing has been done, I’m afraid you are in a bad pub. Just as when I threw out a man for belligerently ranting anti-LBGTQIA+ nonsense from my bar, and just as when I had to ask somebody to leave because their dog was harassing everyone for food, bad behaviour isn’t cool and it should be properly dealt with.

Children are mostly not bad. In fact, most children are really sweet, polite, and caring. If you speak to them, not across them or over their heads, they have interesting things to say. My bar would not have been the same without our child customers. I would not be the same without my childhood pub visits. It’s where I learned to love them, and it’s where I learned to talk to people, and to listen to their stories. There doesn’t need to be an active appreciation of the children in or near your space—basic tolerance and human decency will do. Ignorance works too, especially if they are nowhere near you. If you ban children from these formative experiences, from spending time around adults of all ages outside of their family unit, they will not use the pub when they are old enough to, believing they are off-limits. And they will continue to close. And you will only have yourself to blame.

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